By Some Guy
Humans have probably the most pathetic eyesight of all other predators. Our eyesight is better than critters like amebas or earthworms, but this isn’t saying much. These things don’t even have eyes! Many of us need glasses to clearly see things twenty feet away. Some hunters think they have great eyesight, but they don’t. There is no comparison between the “super killing machine” eyesight other predators possess and the “lying on the couch six feet from the T.V.” eyesight that we actually have.
All hunters could stand to have better eyesight. “Not seeing something” is a common bane for us. The following questions have been asked of me many times before in my sporting career. The questions were brought about by “not seeing something”. Replies to the question are designed to mask the eyesight deficiency. “Why didn’t you shoot?” is very common one. This is in reference to the bird that just got up five feet from you that you just didn’t see. “Couldn’t get the safety off”, or “gun jammed” are common responses. You’re asked, “What are you doing down there?” Of course you didn’t see the ice, hole, barbed wire, etc. Common responses would be; “I just needed to sit awhile and rest”, “my boot came untied”; or “Didn’t you see those ducks circling overhead?” I was asked one time, “How did you get a trap stuck there?” O.K., this one is just still to painful to talk about.
“Seeing things that aren’t really there” is also a common problem with hunters. Better eyesight would save you many embarrassing situations. You would no longer crawl on your belly though a field full of sand burrs to get into position to shoot a dirt clod. Also you would never again wade through waist deep marsh muck to get into shooting position on a milk jug. Other predators don’t have the same “seeing things that aren’t really there” problems that humans have. Have you ever seen wildlife shows with footage of a Red Fox leaping into the tall grass and coming out with a beer can? Do eagles ever drop down to the surface of the lake and pull up an old boot? I don’t think so.
Sometimes hunters & fishermen will suffer from “not seeing something” and “seeing things that aren’t really there” malfunctions at the same time. It was on a fishing trip one time with my friend Bubba Greasly I witnessed this happen. Bubba had just got a “new” boat and talked me into going with him on its “maiden” voyage. I should have known better. It seems Bubba is always coming up with a “new” boat. The particular type of vessel he is attracted to and the amount of money he is willing to spend cause these situations to not end very well.
Bubba came over to my house one day with his “new” boat in tow. He jumps out of the truck with his chest all pumped up with pride and exclaims, “Ain’t she a beaut?” “Got both the boat and trailer for a 100 bucks!” No way was this rig worth $100! In the past I have paid $100 to have someone take away similar objects! As I was putting my gear in the back of the truck I said, “Boy that was a real screw-job!” He said, “It sure was!” I don’t think Bubba quite got what I meant.
When we got out on the highway Bubba was looking frantically in the rear view mirror, “Is that boat back there?” “I can’t see it!” “Yeah it’s over here on the shoulder”, I said. “Don’t seem to track real well does it?” I asked. “Aw, it’s O.K.” “A lot of trailers do that.” They do? How could this man not see this as a problem? The trailer was damned near at a right angle with the truck! A few miles down the road we got a flat tire on the trailer. As Bubba pulled over he said, “Gee, that’s funny.” “I just put air in that tire this morning.” “Maybe it was the mailbox you just hit Bubba?” “I didn’t hit nut’n!” “The truck was on the road the whole time!” Bubba just couldn’t see that the trailer was six feet off the road the whole time!
Bubba got out and grabbed the jack from the back of the truck. As he was lifting the trailer he said, “Hey, grab the tire iron from the bed.” I looked in the bed of the truck and could not see any tire iron. “You don’t have one Bubba.” “It’s right there, you blind?” I looked again, still no tire iron. “I’m telling you it ain’t here!” Bubba came over and picked up an old rusty pipe wrench, held it up to my face and said, “See, its right here!” Interesting, I was suffering from “not seeing something” while my friend was suffering from “seeing things that aren’t really there” while both looking at the same object! We got the tire off, unhooked the trailer, and made the trip back to town to get the tire fixed.
When we finally got to the lake Bubba went to back the boat down the ramp. “Let me know if I’m gonna hit somethin’.” As he started to back up I said, “Hey!” “Watch out for that Cadi . . .” CRUNCH! I asked, “What’s wrong with you?” “Couldn’t you see that car back there?” “Nah, why didn’t you tell me?” We got out to assess the damage. It didn’t hurt the car at all. It was hard to tell about the trailer. Bubba said, “Why the hell would that dumb %$#@& park there?” “He ruined my tail light!” I’m not sure it mattered much. I doubt the light has worked since 1942 anyway.
We finally got the boat in the water. Bubba said, “I’m gonna start the motor now.” “Need to let it warm up a bit.” As he was doing that I got our stuff out of the truck and loaded the boat. Bubba asked, “Got everything?” “Yep.” Bubba said, “Wait here while I park the truck.” “Don’t want no one stealin’ the boat!” “Good idea, you never know who would steal a boat like this!” I said.
We headed for the bay on the far side of the lake. We were going to fish among the rock piles there. As we entered the bay, the boat jolted and the motor went “clank, splatter, crack, splash”! Bubba just sat there staring at his empty hand where the motor used to be! “Ah, Bubba, didn’t you see that rock?” He hadn’t! We fished the motor out of the lake, not sure why, but we did.
Bubba said, “We’re just gonna hafta row back.” As he looked around the bottom of the boat he asked, “Where’s the oar?” “Didn’t you load it?” “You didn’t have any oars Bubba!” “The damned thing was right there in the truck you blind $%&#@!” “Why didn’t you put it in the boat?” “Look it!” “Everything that was in the truck I put in the boat!” “The only things left back there was the jack, pipe wrench and an . . . old broken . . . snow shovel . . .” “I suppose that was the oar?” Again, “not seeing something” and “seeing things that aren’t really there”.
Possessing the eyesight of no other animal can totally overcome the laws of nature that control both, “not seeing something” and “seeing things that aren’t really there”. In stealing the eyesight of some other critter we can only improve one of the areas. “Seeing things that aren’t really there” like dirt clods, milk jugs and beer cans can be somewhat neutralized by a good pair of binoculars. For other objects like Bubbas’ boat and trailer, tire iron or oar, there is absolutely no hope for improved vision here.
As far as “not seeing something” the biggest problem for the sportsman is darkness. Things like holes, fences or ice can be adequately neutralized by implementing the “excuse”. Things sportsmen encounter at night are harder to just “excuse” away. A stick protruding from the neck is hard to explain other than “I didn’t see it”. Setting up your turkey blind and setting out your decoys in the dark, only to find out later you are only ten yards from a mini-mart. Or setting your tent up at night to find out you are in the middle of a poison ivy patch are also hard to “excuse” away.
Owls are excellent at getting around the timber and seeing things in the dark! Maybe if hunters had the eyesight of an owl…. I know this would be a huge improvement. I have never seen an owl at the mini-mart to get calamine lotion with a stick protruding from its neck!
