By Redneck McGee:

Fellas, with Valentine’s Day just around the corner, it’s time to start thinking about what to get the little lady. Nothing says “I Love You” like a wind chime finely crafted from the exquisite scales of the common gar. Follow these 3 easy steps to leave your woman speechless!

1. Get some gars, 3 to be exact.

2. Wack the tails off the gars. Be sure to cut the gars into varying lengths to create a 3 octave chime.

3. Hang the gars from a tree.

As your gar carcasses rot in the tree, something miraculous will begin to happen. The guts and flesh will decay and fall out the bottom of your gars, leaving behind 3 hollow ornate scaley cylinders of wonder. The wind will whip up through the cylinders and serenade you with an “Angel’s Whistle” out the mouth and gills. The gars clanging together provide the percussion to the pertiest sound you have ever heard in your life!

Trust me, this isn’t strange at all. You’ll be thanking me for this.